Sick with envy

On the spiritual path one may encounter obstacles; antarshatrus (inner enemies) are part of one’s prarabdh (that portion of the sanchit - collection of past life karmas - that influences you in your present incarnation) which will come up as one progresses through one’s karmas and moves closer to the One and Only One. These inner enemies must be defeated in order to move forward on your spiritual path and attain liberation. It’s important to address these as they can be an impediment to your spiritual growth and in the FiT Programme looking at the kusang within, the dark shades within was imperative. Sree Maa lovingly explains this as follows:



The antar-shatru (inner-enemies) include kãm (lust), krodh (anger), lobh (greed), moh (uncontrolled fascination about something), mãn (pride), irshyã (envy or jealousy), mad (arrogance), matsar (vanity), ãshã (an intense hope for someone or sth), trushnã (desire or yearning for things or someone) and ahankãr (self pride).

Any genuine spiritual seeker would work hard to eradicate these inner enemies through honest reflection, introspection and applying thought processes. In Vachanamrut 15 Gadhada Madya Prakran (p 470) and 4 Gadhada Pratham Prakran (p 25), Shreeji Maharaj explains beautifully how one can tackle such nature and Sree Maa has always graciously guided and supported us non-stop to move past the small/dark/false self into the True SELF,  Brahmroop. But not all who join spiritual circles are genuine as it became clear.

Dallia/Iphigenie, one of the Facilitators in Training (FiT), was overcome by jealousy and envy, in fact by pathological jealousy and envy. She could not stand that others had something she couldn’t have. She was extremely jealous and envious of Sree Maa Shri Ji. Straight from when she met Sree Maa she was keeping a hawk’s eye on what all Sree Maa had and wanted to have what Sree Maa had. If you look at the criteria of people with NPD, jealousy & envy are one of the 9 key criteria, well explained in this interview with NPD-expert Christine Louis de Cannonville https://youtu.be/7RkICmjDNJU  (see 32:30 minutes). Can highly recommend you listen to it.

She not only wanted what Sree Maa had, but also copied what other FiTs had, the clothes Nandini was wearing, the car Simran had etc.. When narcissists can’t have something, they will destroy it. This was Dallia’s main obsession and mission, she was hellbent on destruction. So jealous and envious of Sree Maa Shri Ji that once she confided in one of the Bhagats that she could not stand to see Sree Maa Shri Ji’s face. 

i first met Dallia at an expo at the Gold Coast early 2013. She was asking a lot of questions sussing out information and seemed to like to show off what she had learnt so far. At that time Sree Maa (as well as Shri Ji at times) were regularly travelling to Australia to participate in expos and doing online workshops/trainings. All expos, and promotional material were entirely paid for by Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji and we as volunteers were very blessed to be involved. Dallia always wanted to know what was going on in Australia. In January of 2013, she convinced Sree Maa that she would also like to volunteer like other volunteers in Sydney, and that’s how she joined the Gold Coast expo. 

Sree Maa had created a beautiful group dynamics within the Sydney volunteers, where everyone was given the freedom to express ideas on how to grow Kosmic Fusion and everybody had a voice. Sree Maa gave everyone equal freedom. Dallia saw this when she volunteered in Gold Coast, and for someone like her, this was something she recognised she was unable to create herself and therefore decided to destroy the group dynamics instead. 

This is also where Dallia met Irene and since then these two have been communicating and discussing via whatsapp, they were mostly gossiping about other FiTs. It’s obvious from their conversations they both were riddled with envy and jealousy and anyone they perceived as better than them and they couldn’t use as their supply had to be removed.

You can see the manipulations and bullying in the email that Dallia sent to Sheree who had been a very dependable and dedicated volunteer in Sydney who always demonstrated integrity and authenticity with a profound understanding of the Gift of Grace, the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse that Sree Maa Shri Ji were sharing with the world. It was clear she was jealous of Sheree and did not want her to join the FiT Programme. Do you think a normal, sincere person would send others emails with an aggressive tone like this or this? Surely not. 

Most interesting to note are the whatsapp conversations (full of gossip mongering) Dallia and Irene were having about Sheree and Jabeen and the emails Dallia was sending, where you can actually see their God complex, grandiosity and jealousy. And now these two are crying wolf and saying they are the victim? 

Interesting to note too that in the whatsapp conversations you can also see Dallia targeting Irene by subtlely provoking her by saying how difficult Sree Maa is and Sree Maa’s words are so hurtful so that she would leave as according to Dallia at that time, Irene was contributing and leading so many tasks. Dallia was jealous of Irene too. Narcissists spare no one, not even other narcissists. 

Sree Maa Shri Ji are the epitome of Compassion and Grace and believe in the potential of the Absolute in everyone. Sree Maa lovingly and graciously welcomed anyone to the FiT Programme who wrote a letter to Sree Maa Shri Ji expressing how they were ready and willing to volunteer and serve the mission of Kosmic Fusion - to share the Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse (QVSWPP) with as many souls as possible. Sree Maa supported all of the FiTs tirelessly no matter their issues to move into embodying our Brahmroop. Dallia too wrote a letter, but in truth she was on a whole other mission.  

After March 2014, Dallia took on the responsibility of Auckland Kosmic Tribe and Meet Ups, and was presenting herself as the face of Kosmic Fusion in NZ. The number of participants attending the meetings after Dallia took on the leading role reduced drastically: from about 25 before she took on the leading role to approx. only  3-4 participants were regularly showing up. Dallia had cunningly driven away all the 5D++ Pulsars and Auckland Meet Up participants by spreading rumours that Kosmic Fusion was a “cult” and by isolating all participants from Sree Maa Shri Ji. Dallia even tried to turn the Meetups into a pick-up place, as she would regularly show up with inappropriate clothing and try to flirt with all the male participants. She was also misrepresenting the key philosophies of Kosmic Fusion - she would call Quantum Vortex Scalar Wave Photon Pulse the “Source Energy”, which was a term made up and used by her.

Spreading her poison as much as possible

She was creating havoc within the New Zealand team, in a way only a narcissist knows how to with triangulations, gaslighting and psychic warfare. Dallia was twisting Sree Maa Shri Ji’s words constantly when talking to participants and 5D++ Pulsars. For example, Dallia had told Sarala that “QVSWPP would protect you 24/7” when Sree Maa Shri Ji had clearly said “QVSWPP would be with you 24/7”. Dallia’s statements created some miscommunications with Sarala, however Sarala still joined the FiT training in May 2015. Dallia was clearly not happy about this, as she went around telling other NZ 5D++ Pulsars and FiT that Sarala had a “dark and dense” energy in her house, and letting everyone know that Sarala had a birthday party but “no one turned up for it”, Dallia had made sure of that. Sarala’s relationships and communications with the other NZ FiT were slowly getting severed through Dallia’s meddling and eventually she left.

Early 2016, the Ashram Project was set up by two NZ FiT, Nandini and Jeeya. It was a trial to see what it would take to run an Ashram based on the Vision Sree Maa had shared about a physical place where people could come and have spontaneous realization of themselves and their Atma. Sree Maa had graciously agreed to support the initiative and to move into the Ashram. As soon as Dallia heard about it, she immediately began showing signs of jealousy and looked upset as was unable to accept that the Ashram Project had been established without her involvement.

In November 2016, Dallia moved into the Ashram after inviting herself to join, she literally planted herself in the Ashram using Jeeya even though she had received most loving guidance from Sree Maa that she was not yet ready. Only after she sorts out her jealousy issues and is debt free would she be ready. Still she forced her way into the Ashram. Please read the Gracious message from Sree Maa sent to Dallia/Iphigenie/Meera, which she told nobody about and completely ignored...

Immediately after Dallia moved into the Ashram, she started to create fights between Nandini and Jeeya, creating distress in the Ashram Project. Dallia was also trying to break Jeeya’s self-confidence and self-esteem by putting Jeeya down, lecturing Jeeya for not being organised, correcting Jeeya’s every Seva and making Jeeya feel confused all the time. Gaslighting this is called. Dallia was playing with Jeeya’s guilt and kept asking Jeeya, “why are you still around? Why don’t you go back to Singapore” and even saying things like “if I am Sree Maa Shri Ji, I would not have you around” just to implicate Sree Maa Shri Ji. Dallia would purposely ruin Sree Maa’s clothing in the laundry and not wash and rinse the brass plates after using the toxic brass polish. Items including jewellery disappeared while Dallia was in the Ashram, just to name a few things. 

Dallia has received countless chances to change and much much guidance and support. Sree Maa had even graced her with the precious name Meera, the name of a humble and renowned devotee of Lord Krishna, to help her move past her old self but Dallia never let go of her vicious intentions and never worked to overcome her deep-rooted issues. Instead she worked hard to cause problems in the FiT group and sowed seeds of doubts everywhere. Narcissists are masters at this and they do so in a very insidious fashion. It is only in hindsight that for me the picture is clear after everything came out. Dallia was a true snake in the grass, slowly and surely spreading her poison into everyone, causing disruption, fights amongst the NZ FiTs and harassment to Sree Maa.

Why was Dallia so obsessed with Sree Maa? Narcissists are drawn to empathetic people. Narcissists know those people have a conscience and will go over and above themselves and if need come sacrifice their own peace to uplift them. The reason why Sree Maa was selected by Dallia, Irene and various other narcissists is because they all knew that Sree Maa will help until the end and they can get away with their tantrums or drama or whatever games they are playing. Sree Maa was surrounded by narcissists in the Ashram House but being the most empathetic and kind Sree Maa would allow the abuse to happen and constantly guide them to help them move beyond their issues. This is true selflessness. And absolute greatness.

You can hear in this audio clip how beautifully Sree Maa Shri Ji is giving a discourse to Dalia about envy and that it is important to overcome this dynamic energy within. Sree Maa gently mentions the example of someone manipulating fellow students to make sure they don't go to the campus party, to help Dallia reflect on what she had done to Sarala.
 

However, Dallia did absolutely nothing to change, quite the opposite and eventually the rest of the FiTs voted her out (see also this public statement). She had not come for her Soul, her sole intention was to destroy as her jealousy and envy completely consumed her. You can hear her own admittance to this in this blog by one of my Kalyan Mitras.

Selfless service vs service to self

My first encounter with Irene/Joy/Tzu-Ling Kuo, one of the volunteers, was not a smooth one. She was pushy and constantly pointing out mistakes of others. It’s only in hindsight that i can put the pieces together and realize that since the time Irene joined, the harmony in the group plummeted big time. At the time i was still too overtaken by my own shadow and i failed to hold my space. Failed to follow the golden rule of stepping back, letting the QVSWPP lead and despite Sree Maa Shri Ji’s Guidance to work as a team and not form subgroups, i drew to mostly one of the volunteers, giving Irene the stage to take the lead and break the group apart. On gentle feedback from Sree Maa Shri Ji i looked at myself and worked hard to correct the slight annoyance and jealousy i felt towards Irene, never realizing the disruptive role Irene played at that time.

Looking within at one’s own dark/grey shades is essential if you ever want to move into your higher potential. Sree Maa has always provided a most loving space and guidance for genuine reflection. This is something i had to learn though, initially my ego didn’t find it easy to receive feedback given out of pure Love and care for the true Soul and i even complained about it to another FiT. This really shows the smallness of the ego and is all the more reason to overcome it. Am extremely grateful Sree Maa patiently and lovingly held my hand and encouraged me to look within and reflect so the true Soul could blossom. The true Soul in it's highest potential as the Brahmroop is always in selfless seva to and union with the One and Only One 💖 

Key point to note is that people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t take feedback very well and if you dare to call a narcissist out on their true face, you better brace yourself for their revenge. Narcissist go to great lengths to protect their fake image and are really good at acting, basically because they believe their own lies. This was and is also very much the case with Irene, now calling herself Joy.

The alpha female behaviour Irene/Joy/Tzu-Ling Kuo displayed is typical of narcissists, but they play clever, they like to communicate with people one on one and have a specific strategy for each one they are dealing with. What i later found out is that Irene was trying to fill Sree Maa’s ears about each one of the volunteers, to no avail by the way. However, this backhand behaviour, Irene made sure not to show in front of me. 

To me Irene mostly played the soft, sweet and innocent one and the most hardworking volunteer who would sacrifice anything for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji, especially after i moved back to the Netherlands early 2014. She also played the victim at times and her trump card always was that she was doing it all for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion. Little did i know that she continued her bullying behaviour with the remaining volunteers in Sydney and managed to drive away numerous people who i had personally introduced to Kosmic Fusion and who were very happily involved and volunteering until they had to interface with Irene.

Deceit and manipulation

After i moved back to the Netherlands, i was not very involved at all with what was happening in Sydney (should have taken more of an interest but failed to do so). So, when i recently saw the Sydney FIT whatsapp group chat could not believe how Irene had been pushing everyone around and constantly demanding money in the name of Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji (who knew nothing about this) for all the expos they attended. It was all Irene’s ambition and overdrive that they went to so many festivals and expos. All this while, Irene had made it appear that no one Sydney was contributing and that only her and Hanuman, whom she had carefully groomed and manipulated (this is what narcissist are very good at), exploiting his dedication and loyalty for Sree Maa Shri Ji and Kosmic Fusion, were the one doing all the volunteer work. Recommend anyone to read his blog also.

Am still baffled at all the lies and the extent to which Irene went to keep up the image of a hardworking volunteer and later on a sincere devotee who would sacrifice anything, her job, her sleep, her time for Kosmic Fusion and Sree Maa Shri Ji. A carefully crafted mask. As i said, narcissists are great actors. What she was doing behind Sree Maa Shri Ji’s back and everyone else’s, she never mentioned of course and she created plenty of smoke and mirrors and flying monkeys to hide it all. 

Just a small sample of her so-called “selfless service”: siphoning out data from Kosmic Fusion, approaching these contacts for her own business, passing off Kosmic Fusion Intellectual Property and copy righted materials as her own to bank on it, abusing Kosmic Fusion resources left right and centre for her own benefit and plans, pitting FiTs against each other, filling volunteers ears, scheming plans to get some volunteers out of the FiT Programme. 

Even found out she tried to get me out of the FiT Programme behind my back. She sent an email to Jeeya, who was our Mentor’s personal assistant at the time looking after the emails, saying another volunteer and i did not attend one of the workshops the year before hinting that we were not eligible for the upcoming pivotal workshop of the FiT Programme end of 2015. This is how narcissists operate, on the sly. Sree Maa Shri Ji immediately put a stop to her move.

Fooled by the façade
None of this Irene/Joy ever told me of course and in fact i looked up to her as i had fallen for her image of sincere volunteer and devotee and even put herself above me in my head. Here is where my doer subtly played up and i made the mistake of not following the golden Guidance of Sree Maa of no hierarchy. Gotta give it to Irene, she is one good actress. Though it is also my lack of awareness and ability to pick up on nuances and see through someone’s façade. Had i paid attention and not kept my rose coloured glasses on, would have seen that the face Irene was putting up and her choice of words are not those of a humble, meek person, but of a big ambitious jealous pushover that was only there to promote her own agenda. 

How to recognize service to self types and narcissists... 

P.S.
My intention to share these experiences is so that it is helpful for others who may find themselves in a similar situation